The Magic of Alchemy and my Bipolar
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged and much has transpired. I went through a stage where I felt that I didn’t need to talk about it anymore, but just to live it.... and I’m still tending that way. About 9 months ago something unusual happened. A post that I had written on 12th December 2012 suddenly appeared as the most recent post, so I felt drawn to look at it closely. It was called “Poetry to God”. The thing that stood out to me was God’s last comment to me and it said “passivity child... let the roses come...” I had to look up “passivity” as it wasn’t a word known to me. It means submission. I also was shown pg 11 “A Hero with a Thousand Faces”, Joseph Campbell and once again reference to submission. Then there was the ant plague, then flying ants and once again a theme of submission when I googled this. So I decided I would try to “achieve” submission as stated on pg 11. There were too many red lights and I wasn’t dismissing them.
I’ve talked frequently in my blogs about surrender and (of course) submission is a slightly greater achievement......... not easy!!!! So when people seemed to be crapping on me I was letting go and letting God.
One day I had a day talking about the people who press our buttons and how they are mirroring something to us... something we need to see in ourselves or to learn from. I spoke to both my kids on the same day about this... then (as would happen) a book arrived in the mail that day. It had been 3 weeks coming but arrived THAT day. As I lay in bed starting with the acknowledgements I read “I would like to thank all of those people who pressed my buttons because without them this book would not have been written”... a theme that day.
So before I went to sleep I said a prayer asking for help with someone I needed to forgive and accept their actions in pressing my buttons. I was struggling to see with this person what it was. I awoke at 3 am with a song in my head. I now know this is called an ear worm. It wasn’t a song that had been in my head but it WAS a song from the soundtrack of a movie and that person I was struggling with had sent me that CD a couple of years ago. That’s when I knew I just had to TRUST that all was well and forgive that person and myself. This was huge but I felt so at peace when I worked it all out. How amazing.
So I continued along with my passivity and kept seeing how if I let go and let God there was a bigger plan and I just had to trust. I’m so much better at it now. I have continued to be a couch potato / mountain in an attempt to be responsible to the people in my life and to keep the “bipolar” in balance. I am saying “bipolar” in inverted commas now as I believe it is just a label.... and there are so many degrees of this “disorder” and so many interpretations and remedies that it is unfair to say any one person has all the answers! Of course they haven’t...... but there is a growing rumbling in the collective unconscious and it is saying “there is more to this..... we are people experiencing spiritual emergence and much of the population don’t understand”. So groups like www.shadesofawakening.com, www.bipolarorwakingup.com and movies like www.crazywise.com are making themselves known. So many people who have been labelled are finding their voices and speaking out and there are you tube clips galore. It is a positive time.
It’s not just those labelled bipolar, but autism, asperger’s syndrome and more...... so forget the labels and start listening to the human beings and seeing the amazing gifts they have to share with the world.
My amazing mentor, Dr Wayne Dyer passed away at the end of August. I was lucky enough to see him in Brisbane 2 weeks before and I will never forget it. He has taught me so much. Gratitude doesn’t even seem a big enough word. But like I said in other blogs “when the student is ready, the teacher appears” .... and he surely did that. Carl Jung was asked whether he believed in God and he said “no... I don’t believe.... I KNOW” I’m with Jung... another big teacher for me.
And guess what? The student must have been ready because a “biggie” popped up about 5 weeks ago – a course called “The Alchemy of Symbols” an online course run by 2 amazing teachers from South Africa. There were almost 100 students doing the modules. I found MY TRIBE. My whole life I have thought about and related to symbols and archetypes. I can see there is a plethora of material and I am only scraping the surface but the revelations that have surfaced have blown me away..... and I must admit I have struggled with hypomania and been taking some meds for the last 3 weeks. I’m ok......... there’s always the couch for a couple of days when necessary.
All I can say is Carl Jung was an amazing man / psychiatrist and it has become obvious to me that he has a large following. The quality of students participating in this course at first left me feeling inadequate, but I gradually morphed into things. I was a real student again for the first time in over 10 years and I loved it. Jung introduced the likes of archetypes (although that was around before him), understanding our shadow, the collective unconscious (we are all one), symbols, synchronicity.
I still have to watch myself and check my ego regularly. Even writing this I am wondering whether it is about being right (ego – edging God out) or wanting to share and maybe help someone else. I haven’t had severe depression for some time and I have to say the world feels like a better place. I have also come to accept that I have never felt “in” the world and that is hard to explain. I have gone through the motions and done what I thought I should do..... but never felt grounded in that... very difficult to live like that especially when for much of it you don’t realise you are different in that way.
But don’t tell me I am less of a person. Don’t call me names that “put me down”. Yes I may be different...... but... let’s face it we are all different and that’s what makes the world what it is. I don’t discount the law of attraction although I have proven it can be a dangerous thing if your ego is driving it...... BUT THE MIND IS A POWERFUL THING which must be respected....... and even a tad “feared” at times as it can cause all sorts of strife including depression, anxiety – well any disorder that is connected to our brain/ mind.
I have learned there is something else at play – call it God, The Tao, The Source, Higher Self.... etc but I know it is there. How do I know? Synchronicities – that’s how. They happen to me... they happen almost daily...... sometimes miracles..... How could I ever be the same when this is so - ay Carl Jung?????
To try to prove to someone what I know.... is becoming less important to me.. and when I find myself going down that path, I get a vibe..... and I know to stop right there.
I thank every single person in my life as I have come to realise they are mirroring me and on levels I don’t even understand , they love me... and I love them.