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Sunday, January 19, 2014


The Matrix

To any of you out there who have managed to reach a stage where your responsibility to others and your need for freedom to be whoever you are have come together, I say “enjoy”!! You have worked hard.

I am a great believer that this world needs to understand that “it” is NOT about CONTROL but in letting go which can be expressed in the following song:

Let it Be

In the early days of MY bipolar it was FEAR  - fear on my part as I didn’t wish to BE controlled (as nobody does – bipolar or not) and fear on the part of those who loved me as they didn’t want me to become “out of control” – which looking back was only the case BECAUSE I was fighting against the controlling, therefore becoming paranoid and acting accordingly. If you read some of my other blogs you will see that this is a theme I have repeated along the way in several blogs.

This last high has been interesting. It is a full moon at the moment and a few people I know are also in that hypomanic position. But my loving carers are loving me enough and have seen me work so hard that they are “letting me be”. Mind you... I had to do the work ........ and I’d like to say I’m very proud of myself because I know how hard I have worked and so does MY GOD.

The whole world needs to learn this lesson of CONTROL also lessons of SURRENDER, NOT FEELING THE VICTIM, FORGIVENESS, DISCERNMENT, DETACHMENT FROM OUTCOMES... ALLOWING (LETTING IT BE). Trust me - if I’ve done nothing else in my whole life, I have learned YOU ARE NEVER IN CONTROL.

When I was hospitalised for the second time ever, I had this thought that The Beatles were prophets. Whether they were or not, I’d like to end this blog with two songs – one by John Lennon and one by Paul McCartney (above) ......... and I’d like to say as a bit of an “Orpheus taught me to play” thing that its an interesting journey to track down the missing verse from the Hurdy Gurdy Man, by Donovan which was written by George Harrison...... and Ringo was a great drummer........

And what is causing the need for all the wars in the world  - CONTROL!! Think about it.

9th Feb, 2014

Setting goals is a great idea....... BUT setting goals and then fighting, pushing, exerting yourself to make it happen IS CONTROLLING........ So what is this paradox that is dominating our thinking? We live in a world of duality. Try setting goals, doing your best (in the flow) and allow what is "meant to be" happen. Set the goals, do your best WITHOUT pushing and ALLOW. Be a yinner and not a yanger. Let your yang be gentle and NOT controlling. The world doesn't need it any more.

Beautiful Boy - John Lennon

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.


  1. Funny you mention the Beatles. When I was in Day Hospital, I drew a diagram on the white board. I started with a huge eye in the centre and, for reasons I now forget, added the names of all the Beatles around it. I drew lines from the eye and added words and pictures to the end that all connected up and made interesting patterns. I couldn't stop drawing and writing. It was like every thought or feeling I ever had went down on that picture/diagram. I think it was like a way of trying to sort my confused brain out. It was very therapeutic to do. A nurse came in and said he thought the picture was very artistic, which surprised me because I've never thought of myself as being artistic before. I studied it for a few hours, and decided to leave it there. A few days later I felt embarrassed that anyone may have seen it and read it, so rubbed it off. I did take a picture of it though, but it is on my old mobile phone, so I've since lost it I think. If I find the phone, it will be the only thing I still have that I hadn't thrown away or destroyed that I have written at times when I've been unwell. I'd love to read it again. It would probably answer a few of my unanswered questions today.

  2. Hey Nikki....... I was hospitalised in 1980. I took with me two Beatles albums - the orange Beatles 1962-66 album and the blue Beatles 67-70 album. I played them over and over and I was convinced that the Beatles were prophets..... they certainly took our minds on a journey at times.......