Lucy loves Sparkling Shoes

Lucy Loves Sparkling Shoes

To everything, turn, turn, turn

There is a season, turn, turn, turn

And a time to every purpose under heaven........ ¹

Headphones on, Lucy sat looking knowingly out the window. Visions of an impending flood in her mind as the lyrics played out (right on cue) from that very prophetic song on the sixties’ compilation album. The Bible had become prominent in her thinking over the last six weeks since the birth of her son. “ I know I am a prophet ” she thought. “Today has proven it to me. I don’t know why it’s me that has been chosen, but I ‘ll do everything to be the best prophet that God could want”

Lucy had spent the afternoon attending an assertiveness training class where she had an amazing epiphany. These people were Jesus and the twelve disciples, but this time the disciples were women. “ Yes – it makes sense! And I am the prophet who knows all of this! ” Of course, the secret couldn’t be spoken out aloud as yet, because “....... no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should........” ²

Having verbalised some of her thoughts to “Jesus” ( psychologist James Quinn), it should have been no surprise to Lucy that when her husband, Todd arrived home to be greeted by her loud expressive singing, the house in disarray, no dinner cooked and the baby crying, that the phone should ring. When Todd picked it up he heard “ Hi, this is James Quinn. I think you might need to get some help for Lucy! ”

Being the first child, for Todd and Lucy, they were novices. It hadn’t occurred to Todd that the state of the house, Lucy’s constant need to socialise, take dance classes and shop with a passion, was unusual. In years to come, these occurrences were a sign to Todd that Lucy was not OK.

Four am – Lucy sits at the nurses’ desk reading to the staff from the book of Revelations. The nurses patronised her until the haloperidol and sleeping medication kicked in and her mind began to ease.

Over the next couple of decades Lucy continued to grapple with bipolar disorder ( previously manic depressive disorder). Mostly the manias were fairly happy for Lucy ( when feeling omnipotent), like the time she thought the Beatles were prophets and played their music on repeat for days on end....... and , of course, “Lucy in the Sky... with diamonds” was all about her. That probably explains why nearly every high she experienced she bought shoes, mostly sparkling ones. The family catchcry whenever in doubt about Lucy’s mood was “has she bought any sparkling shoes?”

The hypermanias weren’t always positive. Once Lucy visited a Uniting Church minister for help with thoughts that were all pervasive. Her little boy was three years old and he can still remember that man shouting at his mummy. The minister had cried “satan, get out of this woman!”. This was a bad episode. Lucy’s family had tried to find her one night when she wasn’t at home and it was windy and stormy. She had hooked up with a very strange couple from the church whose life was about as off course as Lucy’s. They had told her that the only way to overcome possession was to hold the Bible and repeat “The Lord’s Prayer” over and over again, which, of course in her extreme terror, she did.

After the highs came the lows, where Lucy would spend months in a very dark place, no energy, no self esteem, no confidence. She would spend weeks hiding in her bed curled up in foetal position. Getting out of bed, showering and simple tasks were insurmountable and because she couldn’t even cope with those little things, she hated herself even more.

Thirty years on and Lucy left no stone unturned in her quest to master the enigmatic disorder. She did everything from journaling her mood swings, documenting doctor’s visits, medications and each and every possible trigger from drugs like pethidine, cortisone-based medications, homeopathies, , seasonal changes , body clock changes – even building herself a full spectrum light for depression and graphs showing her episodes and correlated the full moons and menstrual cycles.

After checking out all angles physically and medically, she explored the spiritual, but very carefully. Somehow, the lessons came “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. She surrendered to something bigger than herself, although it wasn’t always smooth running. The big lessons don’t come easily. Interestingly, much came down to lessons of control, fear, forgiveness, gratitude, responsibility..... but mostly EGO.

These days she sees her doctor every two months and is perceived as a “model” patient (even if she does say so herself). She takes lithium daily and a small amount of respiridone (anti psychotic) when absolutely necessary. There has been much wisdom gained from dedication and (most importantly) a sense of responsibility to others. She often says to herself when her mood becomes elevated.. “if these thoughts are true, they will STILL be true if I take my medication”

Issues of control had to be played out over the years – Todd (out of fear) needing to control Lucy which would lead to Lucy feeling paranoid and becoming manipulative. Lucy’s EGO (which is a huge part of feeling omnipotent) causing her to control. It’s taken many years to work that one out. Lucy, now divorced has a great relationship with her family. She is responsible and honest with them. She continues to have manic episodes but usually it goes like this... Lucy: “I’m having a few crazy thoughts, got the ring ups, spending a bit too much and listening to the Beatles a lot !” Lucy’s sister: “Better let your case worker know and probably take some respiridone” J

Lucy still loves sparkling shoes!!

¹“Turn, Turn, Turn”, “The Bible”, Ecclesiastes Chapter 3, verse 2-10

“Turn, turn, turn”, The Byrds song released October, 1965