Lithium, Meds, the
Medical Model and the Spiritual
I’m sitting
here sifting through recipes and sorting. It’s been over 10 years since I remember doing
this. I’m just in my 2nd week out of hospital after a manic episode.
I feel good – not up – not down. The unit looks more homely, I feel like doing
little things to make it nicer. I’m remembering a similar mood about 6 years
ago – same situation. I became enthusiastic and put together a great little scrapbook
for my son. I would give anything to feel like this more often.
Currently I
am back taking 4 X 250 mg lithium (mood stabilizer) and 1.5 mg respiridone
(which is an antipsychotic med). Of course – as with anything, it is all open
to individual reaction and opinion. I remember seeing a well know celebrity
interviewed on a talk show years ago. He had overcome a very long history of depression.
When asked what method he used, he refused to give out that information because
he said “everyone’s makeup is different and it would be wrong to say what
worked for me would work for all”. So this is not a debate.
Kay Redfield Jamison – a psychiatrist and author of the highly acclaimed book “An Unquiet Mind” wrote (pg 167) “ Lowering my lithium level had allowed not only a clarity of thinking, but also a vividness and intensity of experience, back into my life; these elements had once formed the core of my normal temperament, and their absence had left gaping hollows in the way in which I could respond to the world. The too rigid structuring of my moods and temperament, which had resulted from a higher dose of lithium, made me less resilient to stress than a lower dose............. Gradually, as I began to look around me, I realized that this was the kind of evenness and predictability most people had, and probably took for granted, throughout their lives.” I believe her opinion on lithium has altered a bit as time has gone on. Nevertheless, it goes close to describing the differences in perception between those taking higher and lower (or none) lithium levels.
Kay Redfield Jamison – a psychiatrist and author of the highly acclaimed book “An Unquiet Mind” wrote (pg 167) “ Lowering my lithium level had allowed not only a clarity of thinking, but also a vividness and intensity of experience, back into my life; these elements had once formed the core of my normal temperament, and their absence had left gaping hollows in the way in which I could respond to the world. The too rigid structuring of my moods and temperament, which had resulted from a higher dose of lithium, made me less resilient to stress than a lower dose............. Gradually, as I began to look around me, I realized that this was the kind of evenness and predictability most people had, and probably took for granted, throughout their lives.” I believe her opinion on lithium has altered a bit as time has gone on. Nevertheless, it goes close to describing the differences in perception between those taking higher and lower (or none) lithium levels.
Mogen Schou’s
“Lithium Treatment of Mood Disorders” also speaks of known side effects........
pg 55 “... But some, especially those who are usually hypomanic, feel that
lithium treatment has changed their personality. Life is greyer than before; there
is less enthusiasm, energy and determination. Reactions are not as quick as
they used to be, nor memory as astute............ Cognitive side effects are
readily reversible and disappear when the lithium dose is reduced or the treatment
discontinued.”
I thought
deeply about coming off the lithium. I had done it before between 1993-98. After
5 years I came undone because of body clock problems (overseas trip) and being
treated by a Homeopath (not good for me). So I have tapered off meds before
successfully. I communicated with my 3 closest suporters and (despite their
personal fears) they all supported my decision. They could see that my quality
of life was not good. I’d like to say (as well) that I have been averaging 2
manic episodes per year even whilst taking the lithium. Yes there were risks.
If I was a
footballer kicking for goal and missed (kicking only a point), I would be
encouraged to try again.
Of course
the majority opinion is “see – you came off your lithium, you came undone! Back
on it you go!”
SIMPLISTIC!
BLACK AND WHITE! And nothing ever is. Firstly I was very responsible in
tapering. I connected with sites like www.beyondmeds.com
and I used the 10% rule. By week 8, I had only dropped 125mg out of 1000mg per
day. I was documenting my daily moods and reactions and reporting any major
incidents. It is my opinion that my trip up is only minimally due to the
tapering of lithium. Why did it take 8 weeks? My answer to that is CHANGE OF
SEASONS – known to have been an issue in the past. Another unfortunate aspect
is – my support team decided to let me go and see how I was able to cope. Fair
call – as I have worked hard to NOT BE CONTROLLED. I didn’t discipline myself
soon enough.
My high was
as high as ever (I’m guessing it needed to be as I have taken a long time to
get it).... BUT GET IT I DID. I started
to think about the thing which was my “carrot” which (when high) I chase with a
vengeance – creating synchronicities (see other blogs on this), and they got
faster and more convincing. THOSE WHO BELIEVE ONLY IN THE MEDICAL MODEL WILL
NOT “GET” THIS. Those who are open,
check out the site www.bipolororwakingup.com
My “carrot” theory was affirmed the
next day when I clicked on a blog “The Daily
Love” – Mastin Kipp
1. This is
what I was reminded of when I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I was probably
the last person on Earth to read this book, but I still received massive value
from it.
2. Coelho’s
story is about a young shepherd who is called on a journey in search of
treasure and realizing his own “Personal Legend.” A Personal Legend is
something that only you are called to explore and give to this world. In
TDL-speak, I would say that a Personal Legend is your own unique gift that the
Uni-verse created you to give to this world.
3. Now, if
you were living under a rock like me and haven’t read the book, I am warning
you that this blog has spoilers!
4. Our hero,
a simple shepherd who loved to travel, went on a wonderful journey where he
left his familiar world by following omens, met mentors, was placed in
situations he never imagined for long periods of time and was finally brought
to his true love (which he had to leave in order to realize his Personal
Legend). One of my favorite lines from this book is, “When you REALLY want
something The Uni-verse will conspire to bring it to you.”
5. On the
surface though, it seems it isn’t true in this story.
6. What the
author does so well is point out what we really want. As our hero falls in
love, he thinks that is what he truly wants, but that isn’t so. He wants the
self-respect and knowing that he accomplished his Personal Legend and that he
gave his unique gift to the world. To do this he had to leave the woman he
loved and face the possibility of death. Our hero gets the girl in the end, but
as a fulfilled man, rather than one still yearning to realize his Personal
Legend. Loving from a place of fulfillment is what true love is all about! (Click
to tweet)
7. I love
this message; it speaks to me in so many ways. I am a lover. I’m such a lover
that I created The Daily LOVE (lol). All I truly want is to love and be loved,
but I believe that my Personal Legend is much broader than that. I don’t want
this for just myself; I want this for every person in the world. I desire
strongly for everyone on this planet to realize that they have a unique gift to
give to this world and they have the tools to give that gift. I want everyone
to be strong enough and to love themselves enough to love and be loved in
return. I believe if more people were in a state of loving most of the time
that many of the world’s apparent “problems” would fix themselves and our man
made world would come back into alignment with the perfection of the Uni-verse.
8. Time and
time again I have had to put off that Love I want so much with another person
for my Personal Legend. And sometimes, The Uni-verse keeps it at a distance
from me, too. The message of The
Alchemist is clear: you have a Personal Legend that the Uni-verse
WILL support you to fulfill; all the resources you need to achieve your
Personal Legend are within you right NOW; and don’t settle for someone else to
fill you up – fill YOURSELF UP by achieving and becoming the embodiment of your
Personal Legend.
9. Are you
settling in life? Is there something greater calling you? Heed its call. There
is a great adventure waiting for you if you just say YES with your thoughts,
actions and desires. You WILL be supported. You WILL be challenged and you WILL
face the death of your own ego. BUT – on the other side of this adventure is
self-respect, a Light and a Love about which ALL the epic stories are written.
This kind of life is possible for you! Are you going to answer the call of YOUR
Personal Legend?
I had
bought the book over 12 months ago, took it to Tasmania with me and read it,
was intrigued by the story and constantly trying to work on it. It appears, the
subject of the book is JUST what I needed to understand.
Needless
to say, I have disappeared most references to that “carrot” and am dedicating
myself to decluttering my life and my mind introducing regular meditation, less
tv and stimulation hopefully some exercise and a bit more social interaction.
But that I say with a bit of optimism TONIGHT whist my mood is positive.
Tomorrow – who knows ??
The
biggest question for me right now is MY PERSONAL JOURNEY AND AUTHENTIC SELF
versus RESPONSIBILITY TO OTHERS. Being of the feminine principle, that decision
is weighing heavily.
Once more you intrigue me with your given gift of the written word, expressing yourself amidst your clamour for normality as we perceive it to be in this vast Uni-verse
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen. I appreciate your feedback. I can always see how many people view the blogs. It's been 65 today. No matter what, it is always good to share our reflections, even though the writing itself is therapeutic. X
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